im about as happy as oj after his trial
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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