I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
