I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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