Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
