I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
