i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
