I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
