he puts the penis in happiness.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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