I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
