I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize