loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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