I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
