Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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