You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
