I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
