What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
