I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And then he peed in my hair
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