we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
