You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
