My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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