I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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