I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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