Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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