hotel room ftw
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize