She's like a pop up book from hell.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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