i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
