they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
