Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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