dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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