I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am midnight drunk by noon
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
