Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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