im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
