Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he fucked my hip out of place.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
