His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
