Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
