Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize