Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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