I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
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It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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