my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
