i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
