So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
