just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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