I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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