That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
