listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
