I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize