69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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