my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
