Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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