I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
