around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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