i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
