chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
