Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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