There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
