my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
