I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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