operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
