batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
