Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
