I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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