you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
