I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
