Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
