and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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