I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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