Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
