Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
