he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
