I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
