Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
