I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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