Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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