also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
