Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
