Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
