I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize