She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
